Fear the Walking Dead review – Plot moves slower than a zombie

I was really pumped to finally get some more zombie action, being a huge fan of the Walking Dead.

Unfortunately when I began watching the spin-off I was bored to tears only a few minutes in.

I’m trying to figure out where the original series succeeds and this one fails, but that seems like a monumental tasks…

First of all, The Walking Dead has something extremely important: Characters we love and characters we hate. This one neither, just… people. I can’t even count how many times I felt embarrassed for some of the performances.

The original series threw us into the world of Rick Grimes waking from a coma (a cheeky but well-executed pun) to a world that has been torn apart by the undead. He searches for his family hoping they are out there alive somewhere, and has to fight for his survival as he learns the rules of this new world. It is designed so beautifully that we can easily put ourselves into his shoes and ask ourselves “what if that were me?” – This is one of the strongest themes TWD holds true to.

“Fear” on the other hand does not provide us with the ability to ask such questions, instead we just observe drawn out drama and spurts of chaos. There is no connection.

There is a potential for this show to gain legs, but the only way I could see that happening is if the studio (and audience) having enough patience for these characters to become interesting.

To its credit however it was a wise move to not try to be a carbon copy of the original. So far there are no “Rick” or “Daryl” clones per se. Hopefully episode 2 is better. I may or may not watch it.

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Ghostbusters (2016) – why it will suck

  
Ghostbusters was a beloved part of my youth. I saw both movies in the theatre and the cartoon every morning before school. I had the action figures too. I flat out loved it.

For years they teased us with the hopes of a third film, but supposedly there was never the financial backing to make it happen.

Now, as an adult my children find the original films unwatchable, much the way my kids prefer the Star Wars prequel trilogy to the originals. So it makes sense that a reboot is more feasible than a sequel – especially with Ramos’s passing.

Just when I thought it was a bad dream I learnt that they are re-booting Ghostbusters only as women. And that’s not even the biggest problem…
Anyone remember Fantastic Four? The movie that came out a couple weeks ago and was more entertaining from the drama around the movie than the movie itself. Rember how they decided to make it more modern by changing a character into a black guy just to look more politically correct? It ought to be an unspoken rule that people don’t like when bureaucrats dick around with their beloved characters. 

They’ve also decided to go down the same path as “fantastic four” by hiring a relatively unknown director who had one decent film in the genre as well as unknown writers. The crowning achievements of this “creative team” is the film “The Heat” — yes, that piece of crap that was only slightly bearable by the cast.

At least Micharl Bay isn’t involved.

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Fantastic Four (the love of Pete) – movie review

Enough has been said of this waste of time already, but in case you want a new perspective…

Suffice it to say I was never particularly excited about this reboot… Partly because I hated the first fantastic four movies, partly because aside from owning one comic I never cared about these superheroes at all as a comic-book junkie child, and partly because the idea of doing a hipster reboot with a cast whose collective age looks too young to legally obtain the amount of alcohol it would take for this piece of crap to seem good, may have worked to an extent for Spider-Man, but for a group who are meant to be super-genius scientists it is too much of a stretch to suspend he most generous boundaries of disbelief.

I’m honestly not sure who this movie was made for. Diehard fans of the comics will be annoyed that it bares little resemblance to the comics, opting to make the villain more closely resemble a crash test dummy and change the race of one of the characters in either a desperate attempt to look progressive, or a desperate act for the director to reunite with an actor he liked (either way it all seems very desperate), even changing the “4” logo. More likely it was intended for a younger crowd who will not be offended by such pointless changes (although the entire idea of rebooting this seems pointless) and yet I think most youngsters who beg their parents to take them to this abomination will also see through the transparent attempt to string together a story that anyone cares about.

If there were ever a doubt that this would be more comparable to a freshly dropped deuce than a celluloid-worthy cinematic achievement, just look at the marketing strategy… The poster boasts “From the Studio that brought you X-Men: Days of Future Past” – now I don’t know if the intention was to insult the intelligence of their potential demographic by suggesting that “the studio” means anything other than the cash supplier, or if they were mistakenly convinced that the movie they cited was actually good, or if they simply painted themselves into a corner by opting for a virtually unknown cast and director. More likely “the studio” had given up and hired the cheapest marketing outfit in town who mailed it in. I’m almost surprised they didn’t boast “co-edited by the co-Editor of Pirates of the Caribbean” as part of their marketing campaign.

The good news is that it isn’t very long.

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The Gift – Movie review

Joel Edgerton wrote and directed this movie which can be described a non-funny version of The Cable Guy — actually that’s not fair… The Cable Guy wasn’t really that funny.

Remember that episode of Two-and-a-half men where the chick from Criminal Minds comes back to taunt them over their high school cruelty?

You know what this film REALLY feels like? It feels like a vehicle to expand/diversify Edgerton and Bateman’s career options.

Actually it is a fairly fun flick however predictable; but I got more gratification and/or disturbance from such superior films as: Prisoners or Gone Girl – not the extended version because who needs more Affleck dick when he’s already hated enough for donning the Batman cape and cowl?

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Japan and their super laser!

This just in: Japan blasted a laser beam which was literally two quadrillion watts (petawatts)… So what does this mean?

NOTHING!

Osaka University may have claimed to have created the world’s most powerful laser, but so what? First of all, if they are boasting about this it is not likely to be utilized in some sort of military application, unless maybe to blind someone or maybe remove excessive body hair — and let’s face it, Japaneses are not known for having excessive amounts of body hair.

It also appears to be a pretty massive contraption that is decades away from becoming a pocket device.

Of course just as the British military hid technology from the world as seen in The Imitation Game I’m sure someone out there somewhere has something far more impressive than this anyway.

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