Jim Carrey’s ex’s Suicide is no laughing matter

News broke earlier this week of Cathriona White – that girl Jim Carrey has been seen with post Jenny McCarthy – having committed suicide after chirping out some depressing tweets.

As usual I have perhaps an unconventional take on the matter… for some context I was one of “those people” in high school who went around screaming lines from Carrey’s first three “big” movies in the halls (those of course being Ace Ventura, The Mask and Dumb and Dumber). In fact I had a number of detentions that were directly related to Jim Carrey-inspired antics I would pull to try to win a few laughs from my equally stupid peers.

I even liked the Cable Guy… there, I said it.

Thoroughly enchanted by him, I would seek out his early obscure titles with some amount of success, and I think it was only around Eternal Sunshine of the needlessly long title that I began to lose interest in his work. My heart still broke a little when he revoked his Canadian citizenship.

His relationship with McCarthy seemed a bit odd, and yet the two seemed to compliment each other well. And then when that went double-D tits up, it was really weird to see my pal Jimmy with a young, skinny chick who was a so-called beautician, yet had the body of a bulimic and the face of a plastic surgery gone wrong (I’m not a bitter middle-aged woman, I promise).

It may sound harsh, but between this relationship that had all the signs of a mid-life crisis, Carrey’s habit of making controversial rants and finally Carrey’s out-of-control beard… I can’t help but think that the one time king of comedy has completely lost his mind; obviously this in conjunction with White’s drug overdose might lead one to suspect that he’s partaken of a little extra curricular substances himself.

It’s ironic that a man once revered for acting goofy and crazy on-screen is now seen as a bit of a joke and seems to be losing his mind.

But despite the tragedy of watching one of my favourite stars ascend to the “heights” of eccentricity, I really hope he does not have to – or FEEL he has to – shoulder any of the blame for this woman’s choice to opt out of life. Whatever the public view of Carrey is, every interview I’ve seen with him has shown a glimmer of a man who is deeply introspective and emotionally charged.

SOA – Comedy has a new name!

Why in God’s green Hell did Palpelbon choke Harper

Over the last couple of days you may have seen this clip: https://vine.co/v/exlHBn5pHiP

And maybe upon viewing it you’ve been just as confused as me. Well after doing a goofy amount of googling I finally think I get why Jonathan Palpelbon decided to give Bryce Harper the Homer Simpson punishment.

Apparently the moment that Harper saw the ball he hit was headed directly towards the glove of a pro outfielder, he did not run for dear life, instead he looked to the ground annoyed and then slowly made his way towards first base before the ball was officially caught. Apparently the so-called lack of effort was “arrogant” of the young player.

Hopefully you are still a little bit confused because I know I am. But at least it added some excitement to a sport that is doing its best to rival golf in terms of entertainment value.

SOA – the new show that promises to teach you a new rude expression every episode:

One Million Mongs — er — Moms can’t be wrong

In case you ever become a puppet representation of an animal, One Million Moms (1MM) would like you to know that it is a sin to get busy with a puppet that looks like a different species.

I’m not even joking.

(if you’re interested or bored you can read it from their official site HERE).

And now you know why I called them “mongs”.

Now for those who haven’t the ambition to go to wikipedia, this is an off-shoot of The American Family Association – a “Christian Fundamentalist” group.

Now this is a bit of a tangent, but the idea of Christian Fundamentalism can be respected in some ways. It means that their values are not swayed by the blowing winds of society. That I get. But when you are so out of touch with the world we live in that you are worried for your followers souls because puppets may lead them astray I think you ought to start re-thinking your worldview.

But to their credit it might just be a case of them being too stupid to be telling anyone else how to live. To cite the article they wrote, they first stated that: “It’s sort of an adult Muppet show,” and then went on to ask: “How many parents want to explain the punchline of sexually charged jokes to young children?”

The gaps in logic here are so vast that perhaps some rational thought landfill should be made available to them.

SOA – the new show that even a SANE Mom would find rude:

Blindspot pilot episode review – to be or not to be (clothed)

Blindspot has managed to divide critics quite predictably.

Most of the women who review it call it gratuitous, unoriginal, unrealistic then nitpick everything they can and conclude that it is awful.

The male reviews call it gratuitous, unoriginal, unrealistic then after nitpicking it call it brilliant.

So I am going to do my best to put aside the fact that I’m a guy who loves bewbs and give as objective a review as possible.

Right, so the opening few minutes lost me when the bomb squad guy panicked like a little girl because the abandoned bag started moving… Just the kind of jumpy person you’d want handling a bomb, but then it was quickly redeemed by the appearance of the naked chick – oh yeah I wasn’t supposed to do that.

Flash forward to a sequence that introduced the male protagonist, an FBI agent who is world-weary, a little bit too brooding and has bottom teeth that are really distracting. This agent – Kurt Weller is dispatched to New York because the naked babe had his name tattooed on her back.

What follows is that the girl has no memory but a bunch of tattoos that were supposedly put there by someone else who seems to want to point the FBI towards crimes anonymously and she also has special agent abilities like fighting and speaking uncommon languages — think Bourne meets Memento meets Blacklist meets John Doe. 

So I suppose I have to agree with the folks who call it unoriginal and unrealistic… It’s more “innovative” than “inventive”. 

I kind of liked some of the mystery the show set up and yet I didn’t particularly connect with any of the characters. My fear is that if I get into it hoping to learn more of the story it will be cancelled due to the shallow characters and I’ll be left dangling.

As far as the so-called “gratuitous” element to the show I felt let down. I say “Go big or go f— yourself.” There was no full-on nudity, and the skin is bound to incrementally decrease as the show goes on so why are all the women offended and why is the studio marketing it as such.

SOA – the show that’s too provocative for TV:

Teen Prosecuted as an adult for having nude pics

I read the title of this article that began circulating the net, and was initially confused because they don’t seem to be releasing the teen’s name despite being charged as an adult, but then learning it was a guy I was fine with not knowing the name (calm down that’s a joke – although I could actually see him getting quite a few new followers of a certain lifestyle if his name were released).

Anywho… this case gets more and more bizarre as I try to wrap my brain around it.

The facts as I know them are this:
A 17-year-old young man in Fayetteville, North Carolina – where the age of consent is 16 – is being charged as an adult for having nude photos OF HIMSELF on his phone.

So… he is being charged as an adult for having child pornography?

Right, so my questions are:
1. Is he an adult or a child? Make up your mind.
2. Is he the offender or the victim?
3. Who the hell turned him in? If he turned himself in maybe an insanity plea should be on the table.
4. Is the Fayetteville police department so desperate for attention that they want to look like national idiots?

SOA – see what all the buzz is about:

Don’t Clock-Block Me… Seriously?

The Internet’s flavour of the week has been a kid (Ahmed Mohamed) in Texas who made a bomb-shaped clock to bring into school and got upset and accused the school of racism/profiling when he was punished for having done so, spawning the: #standwithahmed movement.

So let me get this straight… A kid brings a suspicious object into the school, and to protect the other students teachers take action and this was wrong?

Next he decides to cry racism, thus fueling whatever segregation existed? – Now obviously he is just a 14-year-old boy and surely did not have the wisdom to understand that doing so was actually creating the very segregation he was complaining about, so I don’t blame him. I’m pretty sure he had others behind him however, who actually do fit the bill of being knowingly stupid.

Bill Maher recently made the statement that he was owed an apology due to having been wrongly accused of making a bomb, but went on to suggest that history has shown that certain cultures have been creating bombs all over the world so it was not unrealistic for them to have made that leap. I agree and disagree. I don’t think he is owed an apology. To me race has nothing to do with this. The school showed that they will not tolerate anything that even appears to be threatening, and now they are being publicly shamed and asked to step down from that stance. If I had kids at that school I would now be terrified that all of this public outcry will actually make it EASIER for people who do have ill intents to carry them out.

SOA – see what all the craze is about:

WTF is a ThighBrow?

Have you ever asked yourself why no one has ever deemed it necessary to photograph themselves such that the focal point of the picture is the crease of your thigh? I know I have, well now you can just punch that hashtag into your social media app of choice and get all the skin folds you could want.

Is there a point to doing this? Of course not, if there were a point it would not be so popular… or at least we are being told it’s popular. Any excuse to get a girl into a bikini bottom I suppose.

In other rudes:

SOA – is the newest MUST-SEE webseries to hit you in the brow

Taxi drivers going retarded over Uber (again)

Above is a picture of a little hothead taxi driver from Ottawa, Canada who was so enraged by uber that he threatened both a driver and a passenger, proving that if nothing else an education would have served him well.

Here’s the video of him taking a hissy-fit.

Is he cowardly and stupid? Obviously. Does he have a valid point? Well therein lies the conundrum.

He accuses this driver of not having a “real job” and yet the only qualifications this dingbat has is that he paid silly amounts of money for a commercial licence plate. You’d think he would be happy that Uber has come along to help take the corruption out of their backwards business but that would actually require intellect and forward thinking as opposed to the option this moron chooses which is threatening the very clients he is tryng to win back.

Perhaps the funniest part of this whole thing is that these drivers who are so upset with Uber “stealing” their business are also currently “stealing” business from other Airport cab drivers in Ottawa who are on strike – leading THOSE drivers to vandalize other taxis. They are a really classy bunch aren’t they?

Oh well, let’s move onto other things of more importance, like idiots who think they are cool riding bikes in a gang!

Chick pretends to be a dude for kinky stuff

Oh the questions are piling up…

So this 25-year-old chick (Gayle Newland) sets up a profile on facebook to start flirting with a female friend that she has a crush on, then somehow convinced this pther woman to come to her house blindfolded TEN TIMES at which point they would get it on using a rubber dingy Gayle (great name no?) had strapped on.

So question time!
1. How could this victim not think it was odd to be blindfolded?
2. What was in this for Gayle? Maybe she was posting online videos or something?
3. How could she convincingly change her voice?
4. Was the victim really slow or just really gullible?
5. How could she possibly envision this turning out good?
6. Why does this kind of thing never happen to me?

In other dudes:

SOA – is the newest MUST-SEE webseries to hit you in the junk

Is Kim Davis a genius or moron?

To extreme anti-gayers Kim Davis is the Rosa Parks of our day, to extreme pro-gayers she’s the Adolf Hitler of our day. To people in the middle she is generally thought of as either an insubordinate worker with bad glasses and goofy hair or just a misguided twit with goofy glasses and bad hair.

I think everyone with sub-cranial functionality agrees that she deserved to be fired, but imprisoned? Maybe not. Certainly she did not deserve to be made into a sensation.

In all honesty I’ve never really understood why the gays would even want to get married, there is no longer a tax benefit for it, and divorce is such a hassle that you’d think that in and of itself would deter them. But more to the point, marriage is if nothing else a religious ceremony, so is it just a matter of trying to stick it to religious people?

Anyway the whole thing does bring up an interesting social dilemma in our world: how can we be fair to both sides, those who advocate gayness and those who find bumming to be immoral? Quite frankly I don’t think we ever will.

Do I believe that gays should be wed in holy matrimony? Not really, but that is more to do with the family/children implications than anything else – and not really the point here. Do I agree with Kim Davis’s behaviour? Nope. If she didn’t like the job she was given she should’ve quit. It wasn’t her place to defy the law. Or she should have shut her mouth and done her job with a clear conscience knowing that it is her superiors that required it of her.

In other foolishness:

SOA – is the newest MUST-SEE webseries to hit you in the unmentionables